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| Whew, it's dusty in here. I see cobwebs. So, I'm taking a deep breath and blowing the dust off of these keys, hunkering down here with my electronic pen and paper and while the inspiration in within me, I'm gonna share a few of my favorite things with you. I've been blessed to be able to take a week away from work and come home here to Ohio to spend an extended Christmas vacation with my family. When I leave on Sunday, I will have spent ten days, nine nights in this old brick farmhouse. Yesterday, I kept reading fb status updates and marveled at those who exclaimed to have "JOY" on Christmas day. All caps. Truthfully, I don't know the last time I can say I felt even small case joy. I feel happy, peaceful and contented most of the time. But, joy? But, this morning, the day after Christmas, I think I got close. All of the pieces of this past week started to sink inside of me. I find myself trying to figure out how I can fit everything I want into each of the last couple of days I have here. These are a few of my recent favorite things. Things that anywhere else aren't as special or meaningful as they are here at home in Ohio. 1. My mother's coffee. I love coming home and behaving like an instant child of my mother's. The one time of day this is in full effect is in the morning. I always demand (or request, to put it politely) that my mom make my coffee for me. And sometimes breakfast. I think she loves making it as much as I love asking for it. And I do think she makes it better. She still uses instant coffee (a tradition of my dad's) and well, it tastes delicious. I don't always take advantage every day, but I do love it when she makes me breakfast..especially when it's eggs (juicy, of course), bacon, and toast. 2. Watching holiday movies. Ok, I am a confessed Lifetime/Hallmark/ABCFamily holiday movie junkie. Especially when they involve some sort of romance (and all the best ones do). Mom has tivo and so she tapes them for me, I come home and we watch them. I think the count is at about three or four, and I still have two to watch (and one that's on tomorrow night at 9pm) before I go. We also just love movies, so I rented two romances the night before Christmas. I know, I was overzealous. So, we somehow have to fit those in. And did I mention we love to go to the movies? I'm really hoping we can take in a matinee tomorrow afternoon. 3. Reading books in the clawfoot bathtub. Yep, I love to read, I love to read even more at night in the bathtub, but what I love the most is coming home and reading in the old clawfoot bathtub I must have read hundreds (or dare I say more than a thousand) while growing up here in Ohio. I've been actually reading all over the house, stealing away moments between movies on the couch, laying awake at night in the bed reading away. Thanks to my book angel Shannan I came home with two great books to read. Finished one in about two or three days and am half way through the second. And loving it. I go through seasons of reading a lot, then reading none. It seems when it rains good books, it's pours, then a drought comes. I'm happy it's pouring down books right now, I hope it keeps coming. 4. Nephews. Oh, you moms with children know the joys all too well, 24/7 but the joy of being Auntie Sarah is sublime. Sublime to have little arms and legs wrapped around you, hopping underneath a blanket on the couch with you. JOY to have that little someone try to out love you by exclaiming he loves you, "twenty four, 53, 5" or "billions and billions and billions, billions, billions, billions...." straight into the next minute. The joy of hearing your name, hearing him laugh, wanting to play, wanting to look, wanting to go. There is nothing like being at home with the nephews. 5. Family. It's nice to be home for going on a week and realize your family has yet to really have a meltdown like at some point you are all prone to do with each other. To not be in the middle. To have everyone get along (at least pretty well). It's nice to sit across the table from your family and enjoy a dinner and laugh and talk and realize that while you all may be somewhat dysfunctional, you are a family and whether it's spoken aloud or not, there is love surrounding you all, making it ways to each and every one of you. These are a few of my favorite things. I think I know for me, this is at least joy, because I am seriously finding myself thinking that I wish I could stay longer, I wonder when I can come back and stay a while again and when, horror of horrors, I find myself thinking maybe I don't need a vacation near the beach, visiting some old friends or seeing new sights across country, maybe I'd like to just come back here for a week's vacation.
This is a Joy. | | |
| I would like to dedicate this entry to Keisha Suzanne Garber, who after months, gave me a gentle nudge today (or was it a swift kick?) to get back to the basics, remember my blog roots, and come home...to xanga. So, here I am. I was thoroughly disappointed as I attempted to construct this xanga this afternoon while laying poolside with the blackberry. I thought it was would be super cool to pound out my first xanga entry by way of bb, but alas, technology was not working with me this afternoon, so here I am on my laptop with my head in a turban, Lifetime Channel playing some movie about identity theft with Kimberly Williams (aka bride of the father, star of the short-lived television show Relativity or Brad Paisley's wife, or newbie mom) and the London brother who was in Party of Five (or is it the other brother? hmmm...), with my suitcase splayed open on the dining room table with clothes neatly rolled inside. Tomorrow at 4:30am., I'll awake after little to no sleep (nerves) to catch a 7am flight to Minneapolis for the better part of this week to put on a workshop of 200 people to discuss the future of waterfowl management in this country. I pretty much expect to work about 14-18 hour days (and nights) this week to pull this workshop off.
As I pondered a moment poolside this afternoon on what to say to address the silence of this summer, I had the truthful thought that really my life anymore these days seems pretty ordinary, run of the mill, almost uneventful. I feel like I live below the radar, just under the surface and at the moment, I actually don't think I'd change it much, if I could. The transition has been happening for years in my life, the better part of 5 plus, but I think I am easing into my 30s and just easing into a simpler life. And I'm not complaining. Looking back at the summer, let's look at a scorecard: # of trips to the beach - 1
# of trips to go dancing - 0
# of vacations = 0
# of vacation days used = 2 (maybe max?)
# of hours spent at work = seemingly countless It always feels like summer is the busiest time for me at work, it seems impossible to get away. I managed to spend one day off with Rick and heck, I can't even remember the other one. Maybe I didn't have it. I didn't make it home as much as I like to. I did make it to the pool a half dozen times or so. I look back at June 3rd, the date of my last journal entry, and change visibly see a change in my house. The living room is complete, the framed photos are fabulous. Rick and I spent a Saturday up in Saugatuck a month ago, and I bought 3 more James Brandess prints for the dining rooms. They look lovely. So, the apartment makeover is complete for now. I am blessed with a small group of friends here in the area and was able to spend some time (although not enough) with them this summer. Actually, a few of them I could sadly count the number of times I saw them (outside of getting together for lunch) on one hand. So, I wonder what the heck did I do with my summer? Then I remember, oh yeah, Rick. Yep, I did spend a lot of time with him this summer, and enjoyed every minute of it. He was off school, although he kept pretty busy with taking some grad level classes for half the summer. I still bemoaned working 5 days a week. He surprised me with a lovely little bouquet in a mug this week at work. Completely out of the blue, spur of the moment, and he was so cute trying to hide from me (his proposed accomplice Lois, he didn't realize was out that day). Oh, I need to add # of concerts to my list here. Let's see # of concerts = 0 (or 1 if you count otr in May) I saw a lot of good movies this summer, off the top of my head, The Visitor and Then He Found Me come to mind. I also enjoyed a lot of kid movies with Rick and Mic. Rick and I just finished all 5 seasons of Six Feet Under. His first time through, my second. I bawled like a baby at the end again, moved some much by the treads of life and death that are interwoven so beautifully in that show. Truth be told, Summer was nice. I enjoyed wearing skirts, eating out and hanging out with new and old friends. But, I'm ready for the fall (ok, everyone can gasp now). Ready to slip into long sleeves and jeans, turn off the A/C, steal away for a weekend with a good friend to dreamy Vermont while on a trip to New York in a couple of weeks, and then going to visit my musical love Ryan Adams with Alicia, Rich and Erin in October. Pretty soon it will be time to gather new and old friends alike here in Bend around the Thanksgiving table, and then snow will fall and maybe, just maybe I'll be able to slip in a real vacation to the West Coast (current dream stateside location) or perhaps a long trip home. Oh, and I'll be going back to Bethel's 10 year reunion with Shannan by my side. And through it all, I hope to spend a time or two (or three or four, maybe even five or six, and if I am really lucky and can push it, seven or eight) with Indiana's newest part-time resident from Ohio by way of many African nations, Keisha Garber. And I hope to stay connected to all of you here, and to xanga. | | |
| Hello! In an effort to share some lovely new apartment finds and perhaps kick my butt further into gear on the apartment redecorating front, I've decided to share some pictures of these new beauts as well as some before shots of the apartment in hopes that in a few weeks I can show everyone the after shots. So, without further adieu I give you all a photo tour of the high (and low points) of decorating around my place these days.  
Above: L-R: On the wall is my newly framed James Brandess print that longtime readers may recall I purchased almost 2 years ago up in Saugatuck. Then there is my new favorite vintage soup bowl I found at the farmer's market on Saturday. I have never seen vintage bowls in this shape before and I am pumped to scour for more. The bowl is sitting on top of the new lovely vintage table cloth courtesy of Shannan's kick butt garage sale last week (just one of the many finds to come...)  
Above L-R: This is what happened to the dining room wall last night when I tore off all the frames and decor I had stuck to it years ago. Whoops! I tore of a couple of patches of wall. Note that I took sticky glue and patched the pieces of the wall back on. I ripped it clear through to the drywall. It's bad. Ohhh, yhen there is my new lovely, lovely, picture perfect most favorite and divine find at Shannan's garage sale. She was happy that it, along with a few others, had stayed in the 'family' which I think is rather fitting. I am thinking that I may actually call this piece "Shannan" as it resembles no one such as her in it's complete and utter unique delicate loveliness.  
Above L-R: These mason jars have been sitting in my office corner for more than 3 years waiting for me to take them home. Finally, I did. I'm glad. I'm thinking I'm going to put things like beans and rice and pasta, oatmeal, and other fun ingredients in them, if even just for show. Lids, anyone? Then there is the 2nd, almost equally perfect and so me divine find I got at Shan's garage sale. It's wrought iron and it's heavy! It and Shannan (above) were only $3 each! I am pumped to find a home for this piece, I set this pic up just for display purposes only.  
Above L-R: We are in the living room now, where I have this great little wrought iron piece to hang up. It's actually sitting on an end table in this picture. Then score on the right with a new end table for $10 that I got at Shan's wonderful garage sale again. It's just perfect in this corner and I'm so pumped to display my wine crate underneath it.  
Above L-R: New curtains for the living room! I am loving them. It looks so different in there. I feel like I should be able to look outside and see the ocean. Then this is what many of the walls look like around the house right now. I am pumped to get the new wall pictures up around the living room. I have the silver frames already and the pictures picked out from the trip Tianna and I took to Venice.  
After all the tearing down last night, I needed a good drink. And as I had to put away all these nails (I have nail holes galore everywhere!) I got out my nail cup and had to take a cute picture of it because it is a cup of nails my dad gave me years ago sometime when I must have needed some to take up to Indiana to have around the house, so this is the nail cup dad gave me. I love it! It's so my dad's style. And finally, if you are still reading, I give you all the big reveal. Although, I feel like of the 10 of so people who may read this blog, all have already seen it in its entirety. But, I found out the other day from R. that apparently it is ok (and has been ok since the beginning of our relationship) that I share a picture of us with everyone. He firmly believes that his students will find it, but hey, school's out anyway! So, here you go (anyone have a good picture frame to send my way? This baby needs a good home!) 
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| Last night I was driving home to Ohio and I as I drove I wrote the most beautiful, heartfelt xanga entry ever. Unfortunately, I wrote it in my head, through some tears, in the middle of private laughter and half smiles. I'll try to recreate some of my thoughts tonight, but it will be like this: a second draft. Perhaps it will be a bit more polished, and straightforward, but I fear it will lose some of the heart and the depth that came as I put the first brushstrokes on it last night. As I type, I can hear the sounds of my mother and her sister in the same bed in a dark room across the hallway. It is now quiet, but in a moment their voices will surely pop up like a good kernel of popcorn. I just know it. I'm always a little fascinated by the two of them when they are together. They share a history together that I do not yet have. I have to wonder if my sister and I will ever find ourselves in a similar scene a couple of dozen years from now. Sadly, I highly doubt it. I ask myself how Elizabeth would write this scene. What I do still remember is driving home last night. Those three hours I have grown to love over the years spent in solitude, with only my music to keep me company. I chose quite an eclectic old mix on the drive this time. It was good to hear some almost forgotten, little played gems of mine. If there is anything that ever gets my inner wheels turning and my heart of hearts feverishly beating, it's some good music and even better lyrics. Rarely, rarely, I am ever just moved to tears by music itself. I have been known to often cry when listening to music, but usually it's because it's a reflection of my life at the time. I can only think of 3 songs that have ever just made me weep because of their sadness, truth and beauty. One is The Gulf of Araby by Natalie Merchant, second is She by Over the Rhine and now the third is, well wait, I think it was actually two songs last night, both of them...anyhow I can't recall their names now, but both are by Bill Mallonee. I have decided no one sings more straight from the heart than Bill. No one cuts themselves as deep and bleeds as red as Bill does in his music. No one lays their soul naked and bare as Bill. And I completely and utterly love him for it. There's a lot to admire, I believe, in humility, in honesty, and sincerity. I just don't know how to explain, I guess you would just have to hear his words and feel them, to know their truth. (an aside, 10 silent minutes later, and there it is again, the popcorn sound of mom and Aunt Jane's muffled voices.) "Don't forget to bring kindness, don't forget to say thanks. Don't forget to spend your love, no, it will not break the bank. Don't forget to bring some empathy for the saints and sinners, don't forget to bring encouragement, yeah, we're all just beginners." It was those words that put me over the edge last night. Those were the words that did me in. I was already half way there with the song before it. "But the cross is big enough when your sins reach to the sky. I hope your arms are wide enough to embrace one such as I." This is why, like Linford and Karin of Over the Rhine, I wonder, "If {only} a Song Could be President." It was a great drive home last night. I was driving through Van Wert and just happened to see thse two ladies, one pushing a baby stroller, cross an intersection and noticed a pink blanket fell out behind them in the middle of the street. Without thinking, I instinctively started honking my horn. I caught their attention, and started pointing behind them to the street. They looked at me, made wide eyed, almost mocking faces back at me, like they thought I was messing with them or something. So I, of course, keep driving past, and I see in the rear view mirror that they turn their heads around to watch and then noticed the pink blanket in the street. I see one run out to grab the blanket and notice the other one waving a "thank you" to me. And I took that moment and put it in my xanga pocket and I immediately felt like I was living in an Elizabeth Berg scene. Today, another Elizabeth Berg scene, I swear. I knew at the time, it was a crack up moment, but it wasn't until later I made the connection. We went to an assisted living home here in Lexington where my aunt is living. As we were leaving, we passed by two other women residents and my aunt went over to talk to them. The ladies introduced themselves. I forget the one, but the second, animated one, introduced herself proudly as "Bunny Easterling" and then added something like, "They call me the Easter Bunny." Seriously. Only in an Eli Berg novel. I might have to pass that name along, what a good one. I must have Elizabeth on the brain as we are going on the annual book tour trip to Chicagoland on Tuesday night. I'm making my way through her latest novel, once again, marveling at how she manages to completely paint this very unseemingly normal, picturesque, full of life scene and then rip you apart with a subtle truth in just one whole sentence. She like goes from one end to the other. I love that about her. I love her deep knowing, and she must pay such damn good attention to detail in life. "And it was a really happy place; everybody seemed to get along really well, they were just smiling, holding their little pads and pencils and I had one of those why don't I move here moments, like where I saw myself sitting in a chair by a window in my little yellow house, lilac trees outside and nothing hurting inside." I love how she does that. You are reading along and you are getting surface, then she just goes deep and real. Speaking of a why don't I move here moment. I suppose it's fitting to come full circle here now, tie in my subject line (nad lyrics) to the end and get a little dreamy. Lately, I've not really been having "why don't I move here" moments, although I suppose I come close when I pass quaint little houses with a nice fenced in backyards where I can see my summer dinner parties. But I've having the "why don't I go there" moments and "omw, i want to fly here, go there, be there, stay there, see that, experience that" moments. I mean, it's bad. It's bad. It's been consuming my daydreaming thoughts. I want to go here, I want to go there. Of course, the old allure of California stars has been back and forefront in my mind all the time. Then there are these Travelzoo Top 20 lists I get every week and I need to just unsubscribe because they are literally painful. I want to go everywhere all at once. I want to click a button a just sign a week or two away without thinking. I think I even secretly look forward to those Travelzoo emails arriving in my inbox like a school girl waiting to see her new crush each day at school. Seriously! I suppose I'm just looking for somewhere to "dream my troubles all away"...Unfortunately, it looks like tonight I'm not going to do that under any California stars. I guess I'll have to settle for some Kentucky stars. | | |
| Nope, not referring to my appearance here after what must be a month's absence. I'm looking back on the past week of my life, suddenly realizing that I had a good week full of experiencing the "arts" and recalling how wonderful it feels to have done so. It's been too long. My arts scorecard this week includes: 1 play, 1 concert, 1 foreign film and 1 independent film. I suppose it does not include watching the Office, although I think it could include watching eps of Six Feet Under Season 1 again b/c its television at its artsy and independent best. I'm reading a new novel that I think I could throw into the mix, as well. All in all, a good week of outings worthy of mentioning... The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus - R. scored major points by coming up with this one to kick off the week. He took a 2 day seminar on the book at Notre Dame, and so we went to see the play on Tuesday evening at the DeBartolo Center. It was a great production, very cool. I wish I had photos of the costuming. Peter Mulvey - Friday night, newlyweds Alicia and Rich joined me and R. on a trip up to Benton Harbor to see singer-songwriter Peter Mulvey at the Livery. What an enjoyable evening of good music! I have been following Peter since the late 90s and he's really got the heart and passion of a true musician. He travels around the country much of the year, playing concerts and doing guitar workshops. It was good to see him again. It was also fun to have a personal conversation with Peter in front of the entire audience. It started when he was talking about going up to Alaska later this year, to which I had to whoop and holler a bit, so he acknowledges me, I say I saw him there once, he asks me where, I say Homer circa 1998-1999, to which he recalls correctly was at Alice's Champagne Palace. Then he proceeds to play a song. Then the song ends and he asks me, "So, what did you do in Homer" and I answer, and then sort of start to keep talking, then I shut up and he is talking and I am thinking, do NOT ask me another question again. After the show, R. asked me if I wanted to go up and say hello to him, and he (R.) kept being insistent, and then he comments something about how I like to have some physical contact with my male artists I see and I laugh, because he knows me too well. Caramel - Holly and I went up to the Vickers on Saturday night and saw this delightful Lebanese film about five women who work in this beauty salon in Beirut. It was lovely and divine! It reminded me a bit in its vibrant, colorful portrayal of Lebanese life of Indian life in Monsoon Wedding, another foreign film favorite. Four stars to this movie! An aside - After more than a year's hiatus, we were back at the 'Backer on Saturday night to celebrate Erin's 29th birthday. I think it's safe to say that may have been my fond farewell to the 'Backer. We enjoyed ourselves, but I think that it's more of a kid's playground and believe we need to find more 'adult-like' outlets for our dancing. That said, I'm also happy to say that this time around, there was no need for the 'what happens at the backer, stays at at the backer' to be uttered. I think I called R. at least twice during my time there to check in with him. :) Smart People - I think this qualifies as an independent film. I was very pleased with myself as I had been hankering to see a movie theater movie this weekend and my goal was to see both Caramel and Smart People and I accomplished my goal. I really liked this movie, although I'm sure some of you would not. It's not a life changing independent, but was good enough for me at a matinee price. That Thomas Hayden Church from Sideways was his typecast self again, and very good at it. Ellen Page while playing a vastly different character than she did in Juno (she was a conservative Young Republican in this film), she was still her smart ass, quirky self. Of course, I may be in the minority of people here, but I do love SJP (and LOVED seeing the trailer for SATC: the movie) and enjoyed seeing her. I didn't even consider inviting R. to see this film with me mostly b/c I think he would agree with a majority of Maxim readers (although he is NOT a Maxim reader, I assure you all) that SJP is one of the unsexiest actresses out there. At least, I can safely say that he does not like her. Which is sad for me b/c I really like her, oh well. I guess I won't be taking him to SATC movie on May 30th. And where is Charity when you need her? I need my SATC girlfriend with me on opening night! So, that's a recap of my artsy week. In other past news, I found myself unable to report much back from my trip to Arizona a few weeks ago. It was my first time to the desert SW, so I was excited. Phoenix did not impress me much, not that I saw much of it. I have one eventful story to tell from the week which involved almost getting hit by oncoming traffic with a coworker while making a run through the downtown, 100plus degree Phoenix streets with our large, empty suitcases to pick alcohol for our "hospitality suite" and then accepting a ride from the liquor store owner who happened to be an Iraqi refugee back to the hotel loaded with 2 full suitcases. The three most beautiful sites I saw in Arizona were the Saguaro cactus by sunset, the Red Rocks of Sedona and this little out of the way place called The Grand Canyon. Here are some pictures my co-worker Ginny took on our trip up to Jerome, Sedona and the Grand C: 
Above: Ginny and I took a Pink Jeep tour at sunset through Coyote Canyon.
Below: The famed "Chimney Rock" 
Above: Me and Ginny high overlooking a beautiful vista of the red rocks of Sedona.
Below: Me at the Grand Caynon!  
Above: The Grand Canyon (a picture does not do it justice, as anyone who has been there can attest to)
Below: Me and Ginny at the Grand C. 
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